One year ago, today.
365 days have passed since I arrived in London. It’s been 258 days since I said goodbye.
I spent 109 days abroad and I would like to share with you some of the most important things I’ve learned.
1. You Can’t Control Your Future
I’m a planner. I wouldn’t ever call myself inflexible, but studying abroad has certainly changed the way I lead my life. On her recent visit, Natalie couldn’t resist laughing at me as I created a Word document in order to plan out our entire next day. Things like this still happen, and I will always enjoy being in some sort of control, but I can thankfully say now that I can “go with the flow.”
Prior to leaving, I planned extensively for the ten-day break we had during our semester. I was going to Ireland, heading up to Northern Ireland, and finishing in Scotland. Hotels, hostels, and bed and breakfasts were booked, tour companies were contacted, backpacking equipment was purchased for my two-day, 24-mile hike, and nearly every day was planned. Then I met my friends.
Before leaving, I scoffed at the people who told me I shouldn’t plan before I got over there, and “won’t you want to go with some people you meet over there?” I couldn’t fathom growing so close to people so fast that I would drop my wonderful planning. I’ve never been so wrong in my life.
A week in, our group was already established. Roughly two weeks in, I turned against my months of planning and agreed to accompany ten people, people who were complete strangers just days before, on a trip to Italy’s most famous cities. And I am so thankful I did.
Even with meticulous hypervigilance, no one is able to plan his or her whole life. The modern world is fueled by the ability to choose. Yet, even with the abundance of choice, we pressure deadlines. Children, who just months before were sheltered and controlled by their family’s choices, are suddenly expected to decide the course of their entire lives. Over the next few years, the first question they will be asked after their name is, “and what are you studying?” I’m not advocating for a new society where we don’t suggest decision-making, but instead one where we emphasize the acceptance of changing our minds. A new decision is not a bad decision. I’d like to finish this section with a quote from a book I just began reading. This excerpt comes from Marina Keegan’s final essay, The Opposite of Loneliness. I encourage you to read the entirety, here. And remember, while her audience was her graduating class, her message applies to anyone, at any age, in any situation.
“What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.”
2. You Can’t Take It With You
I’m materialistic. There, I said it! Like countless western individuals, I like stuff. (Even as I am typing this, I have Internet tabs open of things I’m adding to my mental “Wish List”) It’s a lesson we learn from everyone and everything: while stuff is nice, the truly important thing is the people we surround ourselves with. But even though this seems like common knowledge, I don’t see many people throwing away their earthly possessions to live in minimalist communities.
While I haven’t made huge strides toward decrease the stuff in my life, I’ve definitely increased my understanding in the importance of people and memories. Stuff will break, get lost, and become obsolete, but people and the memories you experienced with them will only go away when you do.
People teach you lessons. Sure you learn lessons in school, you learn lessons from your parents, and you might even learn something in a religious setting. But learning the truth about people, learning about their happiest highs and their most tragic lows, learning about the people who’ve inspired them, what ignites their passion—the things we learn from each other enhance our own lives tenfold.
My great-grandmother (Nana, I called her my whole life) traveled to England and Scotland years before I was ever born. Until this past Christmas, I had no idea. My grandmother gave me three pages my Nana most have typed up on a typewriter upon her return. In these pages I learned more about how close I truly am to her, even though she’s no longer with me. Her silly little jokes she put in, knowing that most people would never read them. Her focus on food, analyzing the differences from American cuisine, both good and bad. Her attention to detail and annoyance at not following a schedule. All of these things I share with her and while I should know, as a person rooted in science, there is no evidence that these small characteristics could be passed genetically, I know that these parts of me are learned from her and my other family members she taught.
People let your travel by standing still. Humans have the unique ability of sharing our memory, in extensively real detail. To our knowledge, we’re the only things on Earth capable of this. Take advantage of this whenever you can. When I was abroad, I learned more about the United States, my home, from the people I met who lived all over it. Through them, a new excitement developed in me that had been dormant for years—a desire to explore the U.S, to not take it for granted.
Perhaps it isn’t blatantly obvious to you by this point, or you are jumping around because you think I am rambling, but if you take one thing from this, know that people have an ability to change your life more than any other experience. This is how I attempted to sum up my experience on my last night in London:
“London hasn’t just been the one of the most amazing places I’ve ever had the privilege of calling home, but it’s introduced me to some of the truest friends I have ever had. You’ve been just as important to this experience as the setting and it simply would not have been the same without you. Until next time! Because goodbye would imply I don’t plan on keeping you close for the rest of my life!”
3. You Can and Must Slow Down
The eight-hour workday is no stranger to the rest of the world. However, it seems the rest of the world may understand the need for time to slow down. In the UK there is teatime. Siestas in Spain. And fika in Sweden. Where is our pause button, our time-out, our relaxation time?
Nothing has forced me to open my eyes and appreciate every experience I have more than studying abroad. Whether that is walking down a busy London street, floating down a canal in Venice, ziplining over the Ozarks, hiking up a dormant Scottish volcano, or climbing a famous Czech clock tower, I have learned to savor every moment in the present.
This is the culmination of the first two lessons, the rule to be followed above all else. I could write so many cliché-style lines about this one, but I will let you fill this section in yourself. Do what makes you happy, what brings joy to the people you surround yourself with, and never be apologetic. Time cannot be created or destroyed so don’t attempt to spread yourself too thin.
Do not dwell on past mistakes. Do not wish for a better future. Love every second of life as it molds you into who you are meant to be.
carsonteague 